Kill Bill Part 1

Written 15 November 2003

Warning: This film review reveals some of the plot of the movie.

I went to see this film because I thought the previews looked really, really good. I especially liked the music for some reason, and several people that I knew said it was a good movie. Most of all, I wanted to see something, anything, good after seeing the insipidly inane Matrix Revolution. I did not expect Kill Bill to have much of a plot, but I expected more than I got from Matrix 3.

Okay, let me start out by stating unequivocally that this movie has absolutely no socially redeeming value. The main character (played by Uma Thurman) is a psychopathic killer who seeks revenge. It seems that the Deadly Viper Assassin Squad attempted to kill her four years ago, leaving her for dead. She went into a coma and laid there, getting raped daily, until a mosquito (of all things) woke her up.

The way the movie is put together is highly confusing, as if the director was on LSD or something. I found the style distracting and unnecessary. In the movie "Memento" the style was equally strange but necessary and actually made it better than it would have otherwise been. In this film, it was just stupid.

The action scenes were silly, with blood spurting out of limbs like water out of a hose. In one fight near the end of the movie, Uma takes on dozens of sword-armed villains and kills or maims them all. It's way too gory, too long, poorly filmed and completely unbelievable. I kept wishing someone, anyone, would pull out a machine gum and kill Uma so the movie would be over. Sigh, no such luck.

The acting is horrible, reminiscent of Saturday morning cartoons. Bad acting seems to be the norm these days (Matrix Revolution is a prime example) but this takes woodenness and bad dialogue to new heights of insipidness. In fact the acting is so poor that this film could be used in acting school to teach how not to do it.

Is there anything at all about this film that is good? Is there anything that justifies the time, much less the movie, required to sit through it? Unfortunately, no, there is not. In fact, I think I would rather have someone drive a nail through my big toe than have to sit through this dog once more. I think I might even prefer to see the Planet of the Apes remake instead if I was given a choice.

The sad thing is that I kept hoping the heroine would be killed at the end. I thought that would be the best ending for this piece of ... well, you get the idea. The good thing about killing her is then there cannot be a sequel; unfortunately, a second movie is already scheduled to be released in a few months.